yesterdays thoughts and tomorrows dreams...

Busy Bee

2007-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

Soo busy is me! Well maybe... I just don't really update this too much lately. Here is some photos of what I am up to as of late! Enjoy!

2007-03-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

How often do we tell people how we feel? Well in some circumstances, not very often. In others, lots... But how often do we tell people how much they mean to us? How often do we tell people that we love them and truely value them? I don't know about you, but I think I need to do this more often. Maybe I am realizing that people need to hear it. And whats wrong with telling them that (if it is from the heart that is)? Why not let them know that you care for them and give them a hug. I guess I find that life isn't long and I have so many people in my life that I love and value. I feel blessed by them. I want them to know that I do love them. If I don't say so, how will they ever be sure?!

Go out and love each other!

Coffee House!!

2007-03-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

The Coffee House was great! There was a great turn out, great music and great fun! So very great it was. I hope all of you who got the pleasure to come, enjoyed it throughly and will be left with memories of the night. I know I will be. Thanks to all of you who helped out and who displayed their musical talent! It was lots of fun! Keep an eye out for future Coffee Houses... But for now, enjoy today and get out side in the sunshine!

The sniffles....

2007-03-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

Well I got them... The sniffles and all that goes with a cold came to me on friday and has ruled my life for the past 5 days. I am ready to kick the bucket! Just kidding. Not yet.

So pretty busy as of late. Thoughts of Weston keep fluttering back to my mind. I am so thankful that he is alive yet I still worry like a mom about him and his recovery. Thank God for life and miracles!

The coffee house is right around the corner. Just a few short days till the big day of fun and music. Thanks to all those who are participating. I am so excited for you all to come and play. I am also so glad that we have friends who are eager to lend a hand in helping out in the other areas!! This will be pretty fun!! I hope lots of you can come out to it.

Well I either smell really bad or my friends just like to leave me... Another friend is gone. But luckily it is only for 3 months.. Not like the other friend who kept extending her time away from home. Personally, this abandonment is starting to get personal! Just kidding... I just feel the twangs of traveling in my innerds wanting to just go somewhere!! Soon... Soon... (I hope)

Today is a nice warm sloppy day. I hope you all enjoy the puddles and the sun. I know I surely do!! Spring here we come!!! Come at full force for I am ready!

2007-02-21T10:25:00.000-08:00

Coffee House! March 11th 2007 at Mount Carmel Bible School. $2 admission. Bake Sale! Proceeds go to Mount Carmel. Come out for some good ol' fun and good pies too!

Valentine's day...

Wow was it a blast or what? It is great to have awesome girls surrounding you. So much fun.

Joyous moments

2007-02-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

Well this morning was an early one for me because I had it set in my mind that I worked all day today but really I just confused myself and I was a week ahead of myself. How silly!! So instead of going back to bed, I will do thinks and get things done. Ah the good ol' trickster of a brain... :)

Last night as I lay down to sleep, I couldn't. I keep having these flashbacks of my accident. So I decided to listen to some music. Mmmbop came on and I couldn't help but smile and groove with the music. Wow was it awesome. Hanson was my first cd that I got when I was young. It was wonderful to have these memories come back. It could be really funny when we are parents and our kids will say that our music is "oldie goldies"!

In the midst of the snow and minus 20 weather, I look at my pictures from summer and I love the memories. How we could just let things fly away from us. Sometimes we really should pause and take in everything we are blessed with.

Those are just a few thoughts I have thunked :)

These are the lovely flowers that I chopped down in my room.

(click on the picture. Look at how the petals sparkle!!)

On little sleep... Oh no wait... No sleep

2007-01-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

Well no sleep was last night. But was it ever a blast. Seriously. It was a good time had by all and it was filled with adventures and now will be in our memories for a long time. (at least it will be in mine) Seriously. I have never gone sledding down a ice hill at 2 am in the morning. And I have never sang "If you wanna be somebody" from sister act so much in one sitting. Ahh... I do value sleep a whole lot though. I know I need it to function properly and if I don't have enough, I start acting pretty dumb in some circumstances. But last night was just plain fun and with great company. I love the people I got to hang out with. God has blessed me with bringing them into my life. So word of the day is to spend time with people you love doing awesome activities (Something totally different, not something that you do every time) and listen to Free at Last by DC Talk. Peace out my homies.

Just a New Years Thought

2007-01-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

Well Happy New Year! I am quite excited about this new year and I am shocked it is already 2007! I remember going into 2000 and everyone thought the computers were all going to shut down and people were storing up food because it felt like our world was going to end! Pretty funny now I dare say!

I hope you all had a great time ringing in the new year. I personally had a great time! I hung out with some pals that I don't see as often and it was a blast. We went tubing behind a quad and lots of other awesome things. The night was filled with laughter and love. It is tradition for a friends dad to give a little devo talk 10 minutes before the count down. What he said really hit me and has been on my mind. I will summarize it for you: Imagine that you were going to church and you walk in and sit in the back row. Now something is different about this church service. Everyone is wearing black or dark colors. You then realize that it is a funeral that you are at. There are friends and people that knew the person going up to the front and saying things that they remember about the person. You are curious to whom this funeral is for. You look a bit harder and it is for you! What are the people saying about you? What would they remember about you? What do you want to be remembered for? What would you want them to say? Pray about it and try to become the person you want to be.

As I sat there, I looked around and saw some friends of mine and thought of my friends. I thought of all the wonderful things that I could think of that described them. I am blessed to have such people in my life. I am thankful for having these good examples. I hope I can be a light for God in the same way they are a light in this dark world. We can impact people no matter where we are or what we are doing. I am pretty sure that is why God commands us to live like Christians twenty four seven. The decisions we make will effect the way we live and the way we love. God needs to be in control. That is when we can truely live by faith and love. It is super hard but I want to encourage all of you in this new year to be more like Jesus and to just love in every way.

A new year means new challenges and new adventures. I am excited and eager for this year to happen! I wish you all the best this new year and keep it real. Loves to all.

A Camera and Cute Boys...

2006-12-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

Well now that I got your attention by making you curious about the cute boys... They are definitly cute! Some of the cutest! Almost 2 weeks ago, I got to play with those cute boys. It was quite fun and at the begining, I almost had trouble understanding what they were saying. It was like they were almost from a different country trying to learn english! Which in fact, is pretty close. Yes... These cute boys happen to be three years old. So yes they are trying to learn english and find some difficulty of it. They also have a thick accent you have to get used to first! For some fun for the boys and great memories for me, I thought I would get out my camera and let them have a chance with it. So they were off! They loved the camera! Knowing what to do and how to work it were completely different from loving it. Did they get the idea of pointing the camera at someone or something and pushing the button on the top? Not quite, but I think with a little more practice, they will get better. Before these cute boys get older, I will give you a taste to the delightful time we had that could potentially be imbarrasing for them when they are older. So I hope you enjoy these pictures of quite cute boys!

Memories!

2006-12-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

So tonight I got my year book from last year. It is so awesome! Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE pictures? Seriously. The thing is filled with big pictures and I love it. They are bright and vibrant. They bring me back to joyous memories and happy times. I like those kind of things. Memories are wonderful things. Being with my fellow school mates of last year was wonderful. It was like we were only apart for a couple of weeks. Oh happy day.

You know how when sometimes you said something that you wish you didn't and feel like a complete loser and thing that you just lost a friend? I am also kinda feeling like that tonight. It kind of sucks! I think I am also just really confused about everything. I am not very good at being friendly all the time. I think that when it gets later, I become quite silly and feel regret. But there is no excuse.

As I look through my year book, I can't help but laugh about Trevor. He was a true funny one. A bunch of us miss this dear fellow that we haven't seen for a couple of months. Lots of his quotes will stay with us forever.

I think we need to embrace life a little bit more. I think we need to love people just a little bit more. I think we need to strive to be more like Jesus every moment. Of course I know I fail at all of these but I would love give it a bit more effort.

Christmas songs are so wonderful. At church, Ted talked about some christmas songs and told about the song writers and such. It was awesome. I really enjoyed it. It was a different spin on things. It made you think a bit more when you sang them. Very interesting.

Well I guess that is all my scattered thoughts for now. Have a wonderful week!

Scattered Thoughts For Today

2006-12-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

These new phases of life just keep creeping up on me. I am finding that I just don't know what to do with my self! I feel not complete. It is a weird feeling. I am scared a bit for the future. I found out just this week that a friend of mine probably won't be coming home as soon as she was going to be. Another friend just told me that they are moving to Kelowna. Another friend is going to live in another country for a couple months. Then a bunch of other friends are in big relationships. I feel kinda odd. I don't know if it is a left behind feeling or what. I don't know what I want to do with my life but so many of my friends are doing things with themselves. I don't know! It is a weird feeling.

I love christmas. I love giving gifts and writing cards. I love it when people know that they mean a lot to me and many others. I like it when people feel special. Christmas is a good time to tell people they are special to you. It is wonderful.

The winter season is cold but sometimes refreshing. This picture was taken for a friend who is really across the world. So if she reads this, it really was very cold and we really miss your smiling face.

This picture also is quite important to me because of the other friend in it with me! I love her a whole lot.

I find that I am trying to hang on to how things used to be. But it still doesn't make it easier knowing that all these people are leaving. Bah!

This post may have not really made any sense at all but oh well! It works for me. I am kind of scatter brained anyways.

The visit

2006-11-24T16:05:00.000-08:00

Hey all

So here is another update about my little friend. Krista has gone home! Yippy! It is quite good. She is on the road to recovery and this is very good. She was really excited about seeing her brothers and dad again. I am just sad that she is gone and is much further to visit now. But I am so glad that I got to see her for just a short visit.

Krista has been on my mind lots. She is quite important to me. So please keep her family and her in your prayers. Thanks! If you are still reading all these posts about her, you are a true friend! Thanks!

Read the last post first then this one...

2006-11-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

Ironic... From that last post till the end of the day is very ironic. But we gotta keep praising God through out the bad times as well. For example, no one was really injured in the accident. So praise God for that. It is also funny that on Focus they had a video that talked about crying out to God. You know, I thought of that and did cry out to God when I was all alone in my car not knowing what to do. Mrs. Taylor said that God was looking out for me and protected me which is so true. Also, check Krista's site. She needs lots of prayer still. She has got a fever and isn't feeling to great. Please keep her in your prayers.

One of the Best!

2006-11-21T17:42:00.000-08:00

Well today was one of the best days I have had. Seriously. Today was so wonderful. In the morning I went and washed the car. How I love doing that. Then when I got home, I got to find out that I could go visit my mini-me (krista)!!! I was pretty excited about that. But before I went to visit her, I went and got lunch with my good ol' couz steph and listened to Krista on the radio which was so awesome. I then went exersizing with a good pal (kara). It was a good work out. Some funny memories of that. I enjoy it. Then I had to race home and get ready to go to the hospital to visit Krista. I was meeting up with a friend from my childhood (Elizabeth) to go visit. We got to spend a nice time with Krista, her mom and sister. It was really really nice. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I love them soo much. I was so happy to see Krista smiling and see the magical twinkle in her eye. It was wonderful. Though I am quite tired now, I still got a great evening ahead with attending a suprise birthday party for another great friend!! So today was wonderful. God is good. The people in my life are one of the most important things to me. So today was good. I hope all of you can have a great day as well!! Loves!

Update on my "Mini-Me"

2006-11-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

Hey all.
Some of you have asked about my "mini-me". I have also been wondering how she was doing until this morning. We got a call from a girl my sister knows who is working at the hospital where Krista is. The girl had seen Krista's mom and told her to call us and tell us Krista's web page. So for those who are interested, go to www.caringbridge.org. Then from there click Vist a CaringBridge Site. Where it says site name, type Krista and her page will pop up. Please pray for her and her family. This is a huge operation for her and she will need lots of prayers in this time.

Have a good weekend!

Fuzzy Headed

2006-11-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

Fuzzy headed is what I am experiencing right now. It is from the busy weekend that I just had I know it but I loved it. Getting up at 3:30am doesn't do wonders for the brain.

Family and friends. Two things that were plenty this weekend. It was great. Sometimes when things just seem unsure in your life, times like what I just had are so wonderful. Lots of hugs were exchanged this weekend and I loved it. I love hugs and love it when it is actually a good hug. My uncle jim is wonderful for that. He truely loves us and he gives you a great big hug. It is wondeful. We should give more hugs. Maybe people would feel more loved in the world if we actually showed how we felt instead of being a brick wall.

Cute kids were also plenty this weekend. Whoopie Cushions were the theme for the kids and they were quite hilarious. Very funny stories.

Long drives. Some times it sucked but it is a good time to just sit and sit some more. It is a good time to reflect. The drives aren't always fun when you become sick but this was not that bad.

Am I glad to be home? I am unsure. I want to be away still and think some more. I did miss my own bed though. But I rather be away still. Last week wasn't the greatest week for me so it was especially nice to get away. It just wasn't long enough.

Fuzzy headed is the feeling. So if this didn't make too much sence, sorry!

Laundry is calling my name.

My "mini - me"...

2006-11-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about how blessed I have been. I have grown up in a loving family and had no major problems growing up at all. I have only had to make one big trip to the hospital for myself when I fell on my face and had to get hooked up to an IV every 6 hours. But I healed and was alright. Things have been pretty great through out my life. I don't thank God enough for all the blessings He has given me.

Many years ago, I would hang out with a family all the time that lived just five doors down. It was so much fun. We even would pop by when they had company. Little did I know, one of the families they had over those many years ago, would make such an impact on me this year.

At camp, I reunited with this family once again that I had met from a long time ago. My very own "Mini-Me" was there. She wanted her hair done like mine and she always wanted to sit with me during chapel. It was pretty fun. I rememeber being a little girl like that wanting to be just like the older girl.

Yesterday, I heard news on my "mini-me" which now brings me to tears. She is having major heart surgery next week. She is so small and so young. I just don't understand. I feel almost guilty for living a life with pretty much no problems. She is so young and has so much life before her. I don't know how to describe how I feel about this. All I know is it makes me cry.

There are so many things I don't understand. I know that God uses everything for His glory. But why do we have emotions tied to it? I guess I just want to do something but don't know. Erk! I want to get away.

What's next in the life of the Red Haired Girl?

2006-11-01T21:28:00.000-08:00

I really couldn't tell you. Lately I have been feeling very weird. I don't know how to define this weird. It is just weird! I feel unsettled. I am very unsure about why I feel this way. For now, I just feel weird. I don't know if it is a good thing or bad thing. My mom had once said to just get though this year because there will be lots of changes in it. I am wondering if I am feeling this way because of the changes that are occuring in my life and about the changes that are going to be occuring. It is just very confusing. I am not going to go into much more now but just felt that I just needed to get that out. It feels a bit better to do that. So then if I am acting weird, it's either because I am feeling weird or that I am just weird. Either one works I guess! So what is next in my life remains a mystery for me but I would like to have some plans. It is hard just letting God run my life when I want to do it so bad. Erk!
On another note, I love pictures. If you couldn't tell, I love taking and looking at pictures. I find them very valuble and it helps my fading memory to remember all the awesome times that God has blessed me with. This morning I had some time on my hands and decided to look through some of my little kiddy photo books that my mom upkeeped for a while till I got a camera of my own. If you are ever bored and looking for something to do, I could either show you pictures or go with you and take pictures in cool places. So if anyone is needing something to do, call me up. Here are some pictures from my past. They are apart of my favourites. The first one is because my mom used to dress me up like Anne of Green Gabels and take pictures of me. I loved it. She was my role model when I was young. The second picture is awesome because it was with one of my good boy friends growing up. The other one refused to be in the picture with us. It reminds me of all of the fun growing up. Truely precious memories. Well I hope you enjoy them. I sure do. I like pictures that show the past because the past is all about how you came to be who you are now and there is so much that no one knows about you unless you share it. So enjoy my tiny contribution in sharing. Have a wonderful rest of the week! Loves.

Another Coffee House? Can it be??

2006-10-24T18:50:00.000-07:00

Yes it can! Specific date will be announced soon but it will be in the month of January ( or JAMuary for jamming at the coffee house if that will help you remember better). To help you remember the awesome coffee house that went down in June, here are a few pictures to help refresh your memory! If you would like to perform, contact me soon so I can get you down (that is if you pass our grueling tryout that is ever so hard). Check soon for the date in JaMuary! Get ready to JAM!

The good ol' amish nights...

2006-10-21T00:03:00.000-07:00

Howdy.
Busy busy. That describes my feelings of life a the moment. It really isn't completely true but I feel anxious. I don't know what that's all about but it's weird. Maybe stressed is a better word. I am not sure.

Well this evening we had an exciting night at youth group and the theme was AMISH NIGHT. Now I know it wasn't the greatest night to have after those shootings in that amish school... But we had the idea already thought about before! I promise. We had fun dressing up and playing games. It was just an overall fun time had by all (I hope...). I will add some pictures to show the joyous time.

I have also lately been thinking about The Great Commission and how we aren't really doing much about it. In reality, how many non Christian friends do you have? Seriously. I am sure not too many that are super close. Sometimes there are those who are close but I have been noticing in my church, some people I observe don't. I am one that also falls into that category. It feels pretty shameful to admit that! We are supposed to go into the world and tell people about the wonderful news of Jesus! This whole thing of being a hypocrite has been on my mind lately with thinking of being a Christian. It's a lot to think through I find. Any thoughts on what your opinion is on the subject, let me know. I would like to hear it.

Christmas banquet at work is in a month and I have to tell them if I am going. Scary thought because I am new and I don't know many of them at all. I suck at making up my mind lets just say. Well I would also like to point out that this post is pretty much perfect in writing. So if someone reads this and tries to scrutinize it, you can't. :)

Tweeking

2006-10-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

Here is some pictures that I tweeked a bit for my enjoyment. The romantic bench shot is from a lovely walk I have enjoyed. The next is of two cool girls just being themselves and I also enjoy this shot very much because of all the memories wrapped up in the picture. Enjoy!
This post really doesn't have much depth or insight but just plain fun. But I have this friend who also spurs me on to want to take cool pictures. You can look at his amazing stuff by clicking on "A Talented Friend" under the title "Things to Check Out". It is worth a look. Really.

The love...

2006-10-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

I love music. I think it's a wonderful way of expressing yourself and a God sent way of lifting His name up. There doesn't have to be words. It can just be music. It is so soothing to the soul. When words are added, it can be even more glorifying. I had a dream and I have this ambition to learn how to play the guitar. I won't go into the dream, but it was a dream that I think God gave to me. Don't worry, it wasn't about me thinking I become a big star in hollywood or anything. I know I shouldn't quit my day job or anything like that! I would like to do this for personal reasons. I am wondering if anyone knows someone they might recommend that could maybe give me some lessons. Not many if they don't want but just some. But I need some help with learning. So any suggestions, please let me know. Well I'm out for now. Have a great weekend that is coming! And to all of those who are in the midst of midterms, GOOD LUCK! Loves.

Concert Awesomeness!

2006-10-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Last night was a pretty fun night of ringing ears and fellowship. The band called Stabilo who originate from Vancouver, were playing here in Edmonton last night. It was an awesome concert and I was shocked at how many people I knew at the concert! I saw people from my old church and saw people from junior high days! It was crazy! It was really fun though. If you haven't heard of Stabilo, then you should look into it. Well Thats all I got to say right now. I think I am a music junkie... Is that a good or bad thing?

2006-09-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well as for my last post, I am still unemployed but am trying to do things to keep me going. It hasn't been as terrible as I was feeling before. I had a great weekend with youth group kids, had an interesting day on sunday because I was pretty tired and felt kinda awkward. Monday was a good recoop day because I got to exercize which always makes things a bit better and went to a friends house where I was completely competative playing settlers and hope I wasn't too competative that I won't be invited anymore because I don't get invited for things very often and that was quite a jolly good time over all anyways. Then today I got my hair cut which is very fun doing as well. Life is ok. I feel that I got a lot to learn and a lot to become but I am ok with who I am right now. It's kind of a peaceful feeling. Yes, I do change like nothing before and I could easily be unsure again but I like this feeling. I am excited about being at youth group and serving God. It's really cool. Well thats where my thoughts have run out. I hope those in climbing mountains right now are having an awesome experience. Peace out brudda!

Unemployed...

2006-09-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

Well officially as of yesterday after 4pm, I am unemployed... I have mixed feelings about it. I am very glad to be done that job because it wasn't great and I didn't like it all that much. But also, now that I am done, I feel like I have nothing. I feel very unproductive. It's kind of a sucky feeling! I am waiting for a call from a place but you never know! It may not work out and who knows how long this will last! It isn't great fun. Bah! Well those are my thoughts as of today.

Spring Cleaning in the Fall!

2006-09-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I have been doing a mad cleanup of my closet. It had become a place where I have stuff stored from grade 7 and just filled with stuff I don't use and have forgotten about. I got a thing for my sweaters called a Plaggis! I love saying the word. It's from Ikea. So now since my sweaters are off the shelfs, I have room for other things. I had an old dusty folder holder in the top of my closet that I needed to get down (partly because I needed an address for a friend that I used to write a while ago and because I need to use it instead of store it). Once I was going through it, I found a email letter I had gotten a long while ago and kept it (probably so I could pass it on later on). So here you go. I hope you enjoy this little note.

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the grounds that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, THEY'RE amazing.

They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

There ya be! I hope you liked it. I also hope that all of you have a great time at school and do some learning for me since I'm not at school this year. For those of you not in school, treat your work place like a mission field. It's a good way to serve God at home. Have fun!

Thoughts of the day

2006-08-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

Summer is almost done. Where did it go? Even though summer is coming to a swift ending, I also have this excitement building up in me. The fall is a beautiful season. I love the leaves changing color and falling. I also love wearing sweaters and vests. The fall also means the start of events such as school and etc. Summer was great though. It was very much needed and very much enjoyed. Many more great memories packed into my mind and heart. I am eagerly awaiting the fall but enjoying the rest of the summer. I hope you all fully enjoy whats left of summer.

Friendship means a lot to me. Sometimes I think it could mean a bit too much. I was reading in Galatians and one verse in the first chapter struck me hard. In chapter one and verse ten says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." I sat there wondering where my focus was. I can't say I have been 100 % seeking Gods approval. I wish I was! But that verse is very direct and wow. BAM! It is hard to take. It is so hard to not find approval from either parents, friends, and just people in general. There is this desire to want to impress people. Even at work there is pressure to impress. Impressing people may come as we seek the approval of God but could also have the opposite effect on people. They may not like the ways we are acting to seek approval from God. For example, my boss really wanted me to work on sunday just to pick up a shift for someone. For me, I have set that day aside as a day of rest and fellowship. Getting more money ran through my head which is something I need since I got sick today and lost some hours. It was very tempting. I said no, but she kept persisting and I let down my boss. Thats not exactly something that I want to do. The example may not be the best one but it kinda shows how hard it can be and why it is so easy to just seek the approval of men.

I find trusting in God alone is really really tough. I find I get caught up in my own life and forget to trust God or talk to Him about things. Being a Christian isn't easy. But it is the best descion I have ever made. It is so nice to have God there with me every step of the way. I know He is always there even when I make a fool out of myself or say the wrong thing. It stresses me out about how many people don't understand to choose God. But thats a whole other topic.

I hope I haven't bored you with my rambling thoughts. I know not many read this blog but it is kinda nice for me to form my thoughts and rap my mind around what I have been thinking. If you could, could you tell me if you do read my blog? Because if it is no one then I think I might just make a journal instead! Ha ha! I have never been great at journaling but oh well!

I hope you all have a splendid rest of your summer and have a joyous start of a new season in life.

Lots of love.

Rain...

2006-08-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

Isn't the rain cool! I love it! It provides lovely time for sleeping. The sound is just so peaceful. I love to go walking in the rain and jump in puddles. I guess rain isn't the best way to start out a week of camp or end off a week of camp but oh well! It is pouring and my pal jazzy and me are heading up to camp. We are leading the VBS and we are a bit nervous. We don't know how many kids will be there or how many familys will be there. At the same time, I can't wait to be up there in the trees and next to the river. It is so peaceful to be out of the city. Ah... Lovely. Camp is so awesome. God just seems so much closer when you are out in nature. It gives us a great chance to marvel at His creation surrounding us. It includes the nature and the people. Especially the kids. We are almost all prepared to go.
Oh the rain. It is quite refreshing as camp is as well.

Flipping around I go

2006-07-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

I want to be pursued. I want to be pursued by God. I may be already but I can be so blind. I want to be valued as precious and needed. I think I also want to be valued by people that surround me. I want to feel special to them. Have you ever had one of those days of not feeling very special. I watch many around me who are in relationships and where they guy is pursuing them because they are special and significant to them. I want to feel like that to God and people. I know that the God one matters most but heck, I'm human.

The Emotions

2006-07-10T13:49:00.000-07:00

The first week of camp is over. It flew by but was really very successful. Camp produces a whole lot of emotions for me. I was discussing with a friend yesterday about how I need camp in a way. I felt not prepared to go and be a role model for kids when I, myself, are not feeling connected with God. Yes, the background of a bible school looks like I know lots and has the apperance that I am totally involved with God but, looks and knowledge can be decieving. After Bible School ended, I wanted a break. Not a wise move on my part. I wanted to not read my bible or pray for a while because I felt overwhelmed by it all. This didn't feel like a good start for a state of mind at the beginning of camp. But by the end of the week of camp, I honestly think that I might have changed more than some of the campers. God was everpresent this past week and I could feel it and see it. I felt extremely challenged in some ways and had to lean on only God through it. He, of course, came through and showed His power. It was an awesome realization for me. I feel more connected to God than I was before camp. I just need everyone to keep me accountable and to encourage me in my walk with God. I need encouragement to continue on with trusting God and not just living life for myself. I also want to thank you all for being steady in my life. Lots of you have been there through the thick and thin. I want to thank you for loving me. It means a lot.

A good friend of mine has left Canada today and won't be back for 8 months. It hasn't become completely real to me yet. We have not been as close as we used to be this past year and for that I do regret. Things have changed in our lives but I love her oh so much. She and I will always have many memories and it can be scary just to know she is not in visiting distance. I am really really excited for her though on the other hand. She gets this once in a life time experience that many of us may not go through. She can go and be who ever she wants to be. What an amazing chance. So if she is reading this, I am praying for you and love you and already miss you. Have the time of your life and live life! We will be waiting for you when your return. It will be exciting to see your smiling face once again.

The emotions have been flooding me with processing this change in relationship with God and me and also with a dear friend leaving. I know that both of the situations are good, but its just hard to take at once. If you could, do me a favor and pray for me sometime, that I would be strong with my faith in God. I feel that I may need it in the time to come. Emotions emotions... Girls have so many.

Ah the heat...

2006-06-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

The summer heat has come. Wow has the weather been crazy. Super hot. Almost too hot. But hot and indeed lovely. My first school friend got married this past weekend. It scares me. They are truely lovely together but for me to think of marriage, it's huge! It's the rest of your life! That could be along time. I feel young but feel old. It's and odd place.

Coffee House... Awesome fun time! Went very well. Had a blast. Made money for Invisible Children. Super awesome. We are hoping to have another one in August and raise money for Mount Carmel so start praciticing. Man was it hot in that school. It was like perma-sweat! Ick! we slept at the school which proved being quite fun and watched pride and prejudice (which is one of my favs!) with our sam wok in hand (also one of my favs). Then in the early morning, we greeted the world looking quite lovely (in otherwords, pretty gross) and a lot of people dropped by. Great timing I must say. But over all, lovely.

I broke a record... A 10 year or more record down the drain. I threw up! Yes, it is quite shocking I know! There is a lovely story to go along with it so I will tell. It really is quite enjoyable so keep reading. But I do warn you, it is kinda gross at times...
On June 28th, I woke up at around 9:30 am and felt kinda woozy. I had been feeling head achey because of the hot weather that I was not climatized to yet and was feeling similar wednesday morning. I thought that proping up my other pillow on top of the other one might help but I still felt ill. I thought to myself "I'm going to throw up! No... I will not. I will not let myself throw up." So I started swallowing to get my body in sync with the motion of downwards is the flow. That didn't last long and I still felt gross. So I thought some more "I am going to throw up. I can't believe this is going to happen! Why!!!!" So I stood up and started throwing up while running to the bathroom. Of course, I had nothing in my stomach so it was yellowy stuff (kinda gross I know but don't say I didn't warn you). I got it on the bathroom mats and all over my face and in my hair. I started bawling while sitting on the floor and throwing up. I could hear my mom on the other side of the wall in her bathroom and since I couldn't see and didn't know what to do, I felt around for the garbage can. With not being able to see, it was tricky. I started banging the garbage can against the wall trying to get my moms attention and come to my rescue. Instead, she knocked back thinking it was just a knock knock game or something. Then in my tears and frustration, I tried crying out for her yelling as loud as I could (which wasn't very loud at all) "mom!! I need your help!!" and she just thought I was saying good morning or something so she answered sweetly through the wall "Hello Cheryl!". By now, I was in full force crying feeling very helpless. My mom then turned on the blow dryer and I felt awful. When she was done doing her hair, she finally was in her room and I cried out for her more and she finally said "Is there something wrong?" and came into the bathroom where I was sitting. She gave me a kleenex to wipe my eyes because I couldn't see. She then asked where I threw up and I looked at where she was standing and said "right where you are standing." Well that didn't go over well. She then wiped her feet and said "Make sure you clean this up soon! I got to go. Bye!" And left me. Yes it is a very sad story but now we laugh at it. My mom laughs now about how she reacted. It was quite funny.

I played pool tonight with my lovely pal, Jeanette. She is leaving me for Australia... I am left heart broken. But still. I got to spend a lovely time learning to play pool with a good ol' pal. By the way, she is a very good volley ball player. She beat my sisters team the first round. Quite impressive.

Camp Camp Camp! Yippy! Hear I come!

Summer fun...

2006-06-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

Well... Summer is officially here today and I'm lovin' it! I love the nice warm weather (but not sweltering), the smiling, the stupid people with RAGE ROAD! Arg... , camp in a week and a half, coffee house, weddings (Lauren and Jay this weekend! Congrats!), beaches, hot vehicles, burns, soft grass... Ah summer. I always am reminded of the song off of Grease when they are all singing when Sandy and Danny don't know that they are at the same school and are telling the stories of their summer... Anyways, the first line of the song goes "Summer lovin, having a blast.. Summer lovin, happened so fast..." and so on. Yes, summer does fly by which is too bad unless you live in california where it is summer all year round then it is ok. But I think summer is great. So enjoy yourself this summer and have a blast as Danny off of Grease said. :)

Yay for CAMP!

2006-06-09T14:30:00.001-07:00

Well it is definatly almost summer when you hear talk of camp! The joys of camp is too much to contain. Ah yes the endless days outdoors, campfires, sports, hanging out, the good food, floating down the river, going to see the nurse, pillow fights, campers... Wow I can't wait. Camp is such an amazing experience. I wish all would have an experience like it. Some summer, try going 8 weeks in a row. It is quite an adventure. I know Michelle can agree that it is a learning experience, but is worth it. Yes, camp can have its trials and tribulations, but it has all of its rewards that only God can give. If you have a chance, go volunteer for a week this summer. It's probably one of the best places on earth. Eeee!!! Who's excited!!!!?? See you at camp.

OUCH!

2006-06-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

So as most of you know, I am very white. Quite pale. Some have called me pasty or blinding. It can be quite frustrating. I don't hate what I look like but I don't quite appreciate or like it at times. Such as today. I went out for lunch with a friend and we sat outside. Yes, I know you are squinting at the knowing experience I had. I burned. Yes, I am red once again as I was 2 weeks ago. Does anyone realize how frustrating that is! I can't even sit outside for and hour without frying! I don't get it. I know most of the red heads out there can relate. It can be harder than you think to have a very white complexion. I think I was ment to live in the old days when if you were white, it was good. Tanned was looked down apon then. Not saying I don't wish I could be tanned, but that is how it was back then.

Tanned is the good looking factor of this day and age. I do understand that yes, they could get cancer and yes, it sometimes look fake (because it is). It still doesn't make being super white any easier. Most of the time I am alright with being blindingly white, but when the summer begins and I look around at all the people who can tan really easily and look great, I do feel a slight tinge of wishing I was someone else.

This blog is not ment for you readers to not feel sorry for me or feel guilty for being able to tan. It is just how I feel on hot days when even if I wear sunscreen, I still burn! I do know that God made me how I am. I know that. I know that no one elses opinion shouldn't matter and God's is the only one that matters... But that is harder than it is said (or typed in this case). A dear friend once said they would never marry any one who burns because they don't want to pass that on to their children. It may have been a joke and I do understand, but that comment has stuck with me for the couple years. Now, marriage is not something I focus on, but that comment is just something that rings in my head. I may not be good enough for my friend, which is fine and there are no hurt feelings in the matter, but being good enough for others is something I struggle with. (He and I are still friends by the way. If he is reading this, really there is no hard feelings.)

I believe that I am made this way and I am beautiful in God's eyes. I really do believe it. I just struggle with keeping up with this worlds expectations. Not that I have to be keeping up, but deep down, lots of girls want to be beautiful in the worlds eyes. I just may have a small case of that sickness.

Music

2006-05-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

I love music. I love it and find I need it. I love the sound of an acoustic guitar and a voice singing along. Something about it is just mysterious and full of passion. Those who are blessed with the talent, use it. Those who are not, we will listen and thoroughly enjoy it. Wayne said that for him, loud music is soothing to his soul. I find that I can identify with it. I love to sing along (by myself of course) while driving and just belt it out. I find that I am almost closer to God when I have listened to some music and sang out loud. It is that mysterious feeling of something bigger and more powerful than I can ever be. I feel as if I am in His presence. Maybe I might just be nuts but oh well. I think God can use a tool, such as music, to show His greatness and presence. This picture that I have added shows a peace that only God can give. He shows His greatness in many different ways. We just have to be open to seeing them and give God the glory. Look around you and see the different ways He gives you peace to your soul.

Goin' to the chapel...

2006-05-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

It has begun. The first first cousin on my dad's side is now married. She now has a house of her own and a husband. It astoundes me! It also scares me. It was a wonderful wedding and weekend but at the same time, we aren't kids anymore. Things won't be the same as they were back in the day. We may grow apart and move away. It is a scary feeling. I am not sure if I completely like it. Of course I am super happy for Jessica and Erin (which is soon another cousin to be married), but I miss them already. Change is hard for me I am realizing. I know it will happen but there are emotions that follow. I am eagerly awaiting a reunion of our family all together again where we can have those moments to remember. I will get used to this change that is occuring in these years to come. It just may needs some hugs on the way.
These years to come will be a big change in my life but I am sure it will be even weirder for the younger cousins who don't have all of the same memories of when we all hung out together.
I do believe that change is good, don't get me wrong. I love the fact that my cousins found good companions that will love them forever. I am excited for the day, if the Lord willing, that I may find that kind of love. I do trust that God will bring it when it is time. So for now, content is what I must stay and eager for the future of love and reunions.

Starfield

2006-05-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

By the way... If you haven't heard the new starfield cd, perhaps you should. Its good. If someone tells me or teaches me to put music on here I would.. But for now, you will just have to listen to it some place else! I hope you enjoy the music if you hear it!

Full

2006-05-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am so full of excitement right now. I am excited that the Oliers WON!!! yay! I am excited for Steph going on her trip, Jess's wedding in Kelowna, Seeing all the cousins and such, More hockey parties, Focus on Worship (feels like it has been a long time!), CAMP!!!, Getting a NEW job, Lauren's wedding, And just everything right now. I just am full of excitement and I love it! Maybe it is just joy, but I think it could all be because of God. I feel at peace. I know that He is behind it all. God is so awesome. The new things he bring every day and all the blessings are so amazing to me. Ah... How Happy... :)

Maybe I got too much sun today... :D

I don't get it...

2006-05-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

This could be just because I need sleep and I am just over tired and all of that but... I feel slightly odd now that my year of closeness is over. I have been fine until most of us came together again. I don't like the feeling I got. I was hoping for a warm fuzzy feeling... Instead it was the opposite. It felt cold and dark. I don't get it. What was wrong? We aren't in the bubble anymore but why did it change just for this moment? I just don't understand it.

Me

2006-05-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

This is me. I don't know what other way to show you who I really am. A goal of mine is to be real. Being who you really are is extremely tough when you do not know yet who you are. I do believe that you learn who you are through experiences but at the same time, feeling confident in this state of beinging can be felt by knowing who you are. You change from day to day and grow all the time but there is a need to be knowing. How do I find this confidence that I am longing for is a mystery for me in the present day. I know I was sure of who I was when I was a child, but now, things have changed and feel different. I feel less confident in who I am but at the same time, know that I am someone.