OUCH!

So as most of you know, I am very white. Quite pale. Some have called me pasty or blinding. It can be quite frustrating. I don't hate what I look like but I don't quite appreciate or like it at times. Such as today. I went out for lunch with a friend and we sat outside. Yes, I know you are squinting at the knowing experience I had. I burned. Yes, I am red once again as I was 2 weeks ago. Does anyone realize how frustrating that is! I can't even sit outside for and hour without frying! I don't get it. I know most of the red heads out there can relate. It can be harder than you think to have a very white complexion. I think I was ment to live in the old days when if you were white, it was good. Tanned was looked down apon then. Not saying I don't wish I could be tanned, but that is how it was back then.

Tanned is the good looking factor of this day and age. I do understand that yes, they could get cancer and yes, it sometimes look fake (because it is). It still doesn't make being super white any easier. Most of the time I am alright with being blindingly white, but when the summer begins and I look around at all the people who can tan really easily and look great, I do feel a slight tinge of wishing I was someone else.

This blog is not ment for you readers to not feel sorry for me or feel guilty for being able to tan. It is just how I feel on hot days when even if I wear sunscreen, I still burn! I do know that God made me how I am. I know that. I know that no one elses opinion shouldn't matter and God's is the only one that matters... But that is harder than it is said (or typed in this case). A dear friend once said they would never marry any one who burns because they don't want to pass that on to their children. It may have been a joke and I do understand, but that comment has stuck with me for the couple years. Now, marriage is not something I focus on, but that comment is just something that rings in my head. I may not be good enough for my friend, which is fine and there are no hurt feelings in the matter, but being good enough for others is something I struggle with. (He and I are still friends by the way. If he is reading this, really there is no hard feelings.)

I believe that I am made this way and I am beautiful in God's eyes. I really do believe it. I just struggle with keeping up with this worlds expectations. Not that I have to be keeping up, but deep down, lots of girls want to be beautiful in the worlds eyes. I just may have a small case of that sickness.